Every where you look these days you can find a book on purpose, purpose this, purpose that. But I wonder if the persons writing those books really understand what it means to be called to a purpose. I wonder do they know the bondage of knowing what it is you were created to do and nothing else you attempt to do works because you do not have the option to deviate from that path.
My life is one that is like everyone else’s I believe, most people believe that they were born and placed on this earth for some reason. There are not many persons on this planet that thinks that they were just created to suck up air and exist.
For me the relevance of why I was born was brought home clearly after the death of my mother from Breast Cancer. After my mother passed away I wanted to honor her with my life, considering the fact that she worked so hard and sacrificed most of her life to make sure that I survived to carry on the next generation I figured I owed her that much.
My mother was abused by my father when I was younger and one day after leaving and returning several times, she finally got the courage and took her six children and headed for Freeport (Freeport is one of the many islands in The Bahamas) where her three sister and four brothers lived.
My mother had no formal education, as a matter of fact I believe she left school in the sixth grade because back in the day that was as far as young girls were allowed to go before they were taken out of school. This therefore meant that she was practically unemployable in any area except for the area of a house maid.
I remember my mother getting up early in the mornings to go off to work to clean other people’s houses for almost nothing. When she would come home in the evenings sometimes she would bring left over food for us to eat. There would be days when we would have to eat what they called flour pap, that is flour mixed with water and sometimes sugar and go to bed.
But somehow my mother made it and she got us grown and able to stand on our own. Well not somehow, I know that her sisters helped out when they could but I know that there was a whole lot a prayin goin on. In addition to prayin, she gave us all the love she had. If there is one thing that I knew and still know now, my mother loved me and my siblings and she fought for and believed in us.
Writing this piece for this blog now has bought up hard memories and even more tears because it seams as if it was just yesterday. But looking back at it now, it is clear to me as to why I wanted to know what I was created for after my mother died. I wanted to know because she fought so hard to make sure I made it, I wanted to honor her with the rest of my life.
The day after her funeral, I went on a fast to find out what my purpose on this earth was. A few days later I was sitting outside in the back yard and all of a sudden, it was like I left this plain and I was transported to another one where I was in a room and I was standing behind a podium and the room was packed with women and a voice said to me, “The purpose of your life is to help women to come to understand that man and things are not their source but I am”. Then the voice went on to say, “I will not take you to the promise land with mess on you, I have to clean you up”. As quickly as I left I was back to reality, shaken and bewildered.
A few weeks later there was another such instance, only this time he gave me the concept for a television show for women, everything was laid out.
For me, after those encounters, everything in my life became focused on fulfilling the mandate that I was given. But I forgot one thing, that I had to be pruned for the purpose. Please let me say here that if you are fortunate or unfortunate enough to discover what your purpose is, depending on how you look at it, please know that you will have to be tested or cleaned up for the cause.
Lord Jesus, if I knew what the call and the cleaning up of the mess from my life would have required, I would have told God to give that call to someone else. I recall the many nights that I was woken up from my sleep by the Holy Spirit to get on my face and worship and pray. Many times he asked me if I was sure I wanted to accept the call because it was a great one. During the pruning of my life I remember the days I would say to myself, you fool, why you didn’t tell him no. It has been seventeen years since I was given this vision, there were days that I likened myself to Noah. Can you imagine building an ark for all those years and have to deal with you family, friends and neighbors? (LOL)
So many trials and so many test and so many failures and so many do overs because he was determined to have his way. Looking back at it now, there were days that I wondered if I would make it through, the death of my older sister, the death of my father, the death of my baby, the failing of my marriage, the involvement in a relationship that took me so far away from where I was meant to be.
But I sit here today at this desk in my office and I can truly say like the biblical writer, “I am glad that I have been afflicted, because it has made me who I am and in this moment I am so very proud of who I am. Not by my doing or my will but by the pure will of the living God. Keeping in mind that I am not perfect but I have stayed the course and I have continued to be Purpose Driven.
For those women that read this piece, please know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made and are on God’s mind, he sees every little thing you are going through and please know that he will answer your cries. Just trust him.