To me it means to have a clear understanding of who you are, mind, body and soul, it means understanding what it is you are willing to take and what you are not, it means owning who you are in your body, big, small, tall, fat, white, black or in between and more importantly, knowing whose you are.
For me, once you have identified how far you are willing to let people go in the way they treat you and you accept yourself for who you are, and you accept that there is a higher being, a God that is bigger than all of us and He controls the universe and everything in it, that to me is the definition of being whole.
I am a darker skinned black woman and for a long time in my life I never accepted that I was or could ever be beautiful, it took all my life to figure out that true beauty comes from within.
This revelation came about after the death of my mother, my sister and one of my dearest friends of thirty years, along with a lot of encouragement from my now 27 year old daughter.
Now that I have come to understand that I have one life to live and I do not get to say, “oops” and come back, I realize that I have to live my best life and that requires me loving myself for who I am and enjoying my life one day at a time.
My birthday was a few weeks ago and looking back over my life I realize that everything that I went through was to bring me to this place and in this place I am at peace with who I have become.
Every where you look these days you can find a book on purpose, purpose this, purpose that. But I wonder if the persons writing those books really understand what it means to be called to a purpose. I wonder do they know the bondage of knowing what it is you were created to do and nothing else you attempt to do works because you do not have the option to deviate from that path.
My life is one that is like everyone else’s I believe, most people believe that they were born and placed on this earth for some reason. There are not many persons on this planet that thinks that they were just created to suck up air and exist.
For me the relevance of why I was born was brought home clearly after the death of my mother from Breast Cancer. After my mother passed away I wanted to honor her with my life, considering the fact that she worked so hard and sacrificed most of her life to make sure that I survived to carry on the next generation I figured I owed her that much.
My mother was abused by my father when I was younger and one day after leaving and returning several times, she finally got the courage and took her six children and headed for Freeport (Freeport is one of the many islands in The Bahamas) where her three sister and four brothers lived.
My mother had no formal education, as a matter of fact I believe she left school in the sixth grade because back in the day that was as far as young girls were allowed to go before they were taken out of school. This therefore meant that she was practically unemployable in any area except for the area of a house maid.
I remember my mother getting up early in the mornings to go off to work to clean other people’s houses for almost nothing. When she would come home in the evenings sometimes she would bring left over food for us to eat. There would be days when we would have to eat what they called flour pap, that is flour mixed with water and sometimes sugar and go to bed.
But somehow my mother made it and she got us grown and able to stand on our own. Well not somehow, I know that her sisters helped out when they could but I know that there was a whole lot a prayin goin on. In addition to prayin, she gave us all the love she had. If there is one thing that I knew and still know now, my mother loved me and my siblings and she fought for and believed in us.
Writing this piece for this blog now has bought up hard memories and even more tears because it seams as if it was just yesterday. But looking back at it now, it is clear to me as to why I wanted to know what I was created for after my mother died. I wanted to know because she fought so hard to make sure I made it, I wanted to honor her with the rest of my life.
The day after her funeral, I went on a fast to find out what my purpose on this earth was. A few days later I was sitting outside in the back yard and all of a sudden, it was like I left this plain and I was transported to another one where I was in a room and I was standing behind a podium and the room was packed with women and a voice said to me, “The purpose of your life is to help women to come to understand that man and things are not their source but I am”. Then the voice went on to say, “I will not take you to the promise land with mess on you, I have to clean you up”. As quickly as I left I was back to reality, shaken and bewildered.
A few weeks later there was another such instance, only this time he gave me the concept for a television show for women, everything was laid out.
For me, after those encounters, everything in my life became focused on fulfilling the mandate that I was given. But I forgot one thing, that I had to be pruned for the purpose. Please let me say here that if you are fortunate or unfortunate enough to discover what your purpose is, depending on how you look at it, please know that you will have to be tested or cleaned up for the cause.
Lord Jesus, if I knew what the call and the cleaning up of the mess from my life would have required, I would have told God to give that call to someone else. I recall the many nights that I was woken up from my sleep by the Holy Spirit to get on my face and worship and pray. Many times he asked me if I was sure I wanted to accept the call because it was a great one. During the pruning of my life I remember the days I would say to myself, you fool, why you didn’t tell him no. It has been seventeen years since I was given this vision, there were days that I likened myself to Noah. Can you imagine building an ark for all those years and have to deal with you family, friends and neighbors? (LOL)
So many trials and so many test and so many failures and so many do overs because he was determined to have his way. Looking back at it now, there were days that I wondered if I would make it through, the death of my older sister, the death of my father, the death of my baby, the failing of my marriage, the involvement in a relationship that took me so far away from where I was meant to be.
But I sit here today at this desk in my office and I can truly say like the biblical writer, “I am glad that I have been afflicted, because it has made me who I am and in this moment I am so very proud of who I am. Not by my doing or my will but by the pure will of the living God. Keeping in mind that I am not perfect but I have stayed the course and I have continued to be Purpose Driven.
For those women that read this piece, please know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made and are on God’s mind, he sees every little thing you are going through and please know that he will answer your cries. Just trust him.
What does plus size mean? I think it is just the fashion industries or peoples way of addressing or trying to be nice to a woman that is not a size two without calling her fat?
Well as a teenager I was a size 10 with hips and boobs and as I got older, I slowly moved up to a size 12 and by the age of 21 which was when I got married, I think I was still a size 12.
After I got married I got pregnant and had my first child, my daughter and I quickly lost the weight through breast feeding and exercise. Nine years later I got pregnant again with my son, and let me tell you something, getting rid of that weight was the hardest thing I have ever attempted and please notice I did say attempted to do in my life.LOL
I think because I got caught up in the day to day rearing of my children, taking care of my husband and working, I lost focus of taking care of myself…Like most of us women do.
A few years later when I finally decided to take matters in hand and try to work on loosing some of the weight, it worked out pretty good I must say. While I did not loose all the weight I wanted, I came to a place where I was happy with the way I looked.
But for me, I find in looking back over my life, I have been happy at whatever size I was at any given time in my life because Lord knows there are seasons in our lives, and I do not think I know anyone that is still the same size they were when they were teenagers, or even if they are the size they desire to be at this latter stage of their lives.
In becoming a whole woman it takes a knowing and a sense of acceptance in who you are, so that you can now move into the full purpose of your life not being define by any label.
The acceptance is, this is where I am in my life at this point and time and I am good with this and it does not matter who has a problem with it. It is owning yourself and loving all that you are.
The knowing is knowing within yourself that you are doing the best things for your health, your life and knowing that you are and will continue to do what is necessary to make sure that you are in a good space, physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally at all times.
Once you have gotten the acceptance and the knowing part down, this now becomes your truth, so you can now start to live your life and be happy at any stage or size that you are in your life.
Keeping in mind that Plus Size is not something that defines you but is a word that perhaps helps an industry or some people feel better about themselves when addressing you.
Today, I am a size 18 and I exercise five days a week while trying to eat as healthily as I can and do a healthy bout of juicing at least twice to three times a week and I am feeling and looking amazing…If I do say so myself.
Now see, that statement right there is one that I love because there was a time that I could not say that. The stuff that I am talking about in this piece is personal, I am not a size two and never have been and believe me when I say that I have never wanted to be.
In this day and this season of my life I am absolutely, positively, amazingly happy with who I am, challenges and all!
I am a true believer that your clothing are to be versatile, this is one of the reasons I prefer to purchase pieces like skirts, tops and jackets.
In the past I would not buy to many dresses because I believed that you could basically only wear them once and then you had to wait a period of time before you could wear them again.
shheesh..that idea has gone out the window, lately I have been experimenting with all of the latest pieces of clothing that I have in my closet along with the old pieces and I am having myself a fabulous time. I am mixing and matching and doing whatever the heck I please when it comes to putting pieces together.
For example, this dress is an awesome fitted dress with a lining that hugs my figure like a second skin, and for this occasion, I choose this floral coverup to complement this dress, and it look awesome.
Lawd I hate this hair do, what the heck was I thinking?
Here is what I am talking about when I said you need to make your garment earn its keep. For me, any item that I purchase has to be able to make the rounds of at least three outfits.
Above this is the same coverup, the only difference is that I have now used it with a nice pair of fitted jeans and a tank top. I have also worn this coverup with a pair of jeans shorts, a pink tank top and a pair of flats for a day out with my grandson.
You can go in your closet where you think you have nothing to wear and come out with more than twenty new and exciting outfits, just by mixing and matching what is already in there, give it a try!
Anyone who knows me know that I love big beautiful pieces of jewelry, pieces that are unique and stand out, maybe because every time I wear them they always spark a conversation and those of you who know me well, know that I like to talk, a lot.
My girlfriend Chevy is a master at making big beautiful pieces as a matter of fact that is exactly what she does for a living. She has this store that carries all color, make and size beads and everything else that you need to make your very own one of a kind pieces.
And don’t you know I have made several pieces that I am very proud of, will show you those in another blog.
I find it easy to take a piece of jewelry and dress up a simple t-shirt and jeans or just a simple straight dress for a night out with my girls.
Just remember that whatever you decide to wear, whether it is a piece of jewelry, a piece of clothing or a pair of shoes once you wear it with confidence you cannot help but make the item look amazing.
For so long I was wanting a pair of thigh high boots and could not find one that could fit my thighs any where, finally two years ago I saw a pair I loved on Ashley Stewart and I ordered them and believe me when I tell you they are the most amazing pair of boots ever.
They are comfortable and sleek and sexy and I cannot wait for the little cold season that we get here in The Bahamas during the Christmas for me to put them on.
Since I found this pair and they were so awesome, I was thinking about purchasing another pair because I absolutely love a good pair of boots. The sad thing about that is, here in The Bahamas we practically have sun 365 days a year, so the first opportunity to put those puppies on I am on it! lol
Its hard to believe that this was two years ago, I was at that John Legend concert dancing and having a good time in my brand new, newly found thigh high boots (LOL)
Ok, I know the boots look fabulous right? Lol absolutely love dem boots, right now I am thinking of what outfit I can put together to complement them for this Christmas season 2018! I CANNOT WAIT!